Prayer: When you
don't know what to say...

By John Halford

For many of us, prayer is like mowing the lawn. We know we should, and we feel better when we have. But we donât really look forward to it, and find excuses to put it off as long as possible.

Are church-group situations the only times you pray, following along with well-worn mechanical prayers? Perhaps your major contribution is to add an ãAmenä to someone elseâs prayer.

Is that enough? The Bible instructs Christians to be ãfaithful in prayerä (Romans 12:12), to do it ãcontinuallyä (1 Thessalonians 5:17), and that the prayer of a righteous person is ãpowerful and effectiveä (James 5:16). In other words, prayer is an important part of the Christian way of life.

But what if you arenât good at it? How do you learn to have a closer, more intimate relationship with your God? Because this is what prayer is all about÷a  meaningful, personal relationship with your Father in heaven. Of all our many relationships, this one we need the most.

We all need someone who really knows us and cares about us. Someone to whom we can turn to pour out our worries, insecurities and frustrations. Someone to whom we can confess our sins and inadequacies. Someone who will strengthen us so we can help others.

We need a friend to guide us through the problems of the present toward the certainties of the future, who will accept us, reassure us and believe in us. Even when÷especially when÷we have been misunderstood, or found out, or when our best effort isnât good enough.

Jesus Christ taught his disciples to have this personal and intimate relationship with God. He showed us how we can have it, too.

Donât pray like that!

Jesusâ teachings about prayer strike deep at some popular misconceptions. Some religious leaders of Jesusâ day had a distorted example of what prayer should be like. They took it seriously, but in doing so they made it into a spiritual obstacle course.

They placed great emphasis on ritual÷the right combination of words or the correct positions of their hands. They then turned their carefully crafted, well-rehearsed prayers into a public spectacle. Such rigid formalism and outward displays of piety intimidated the average person. He or she felt inadequate. If praying properly was this complicated, better leave it to the professionals.

Jesus changed that. He came to reconcile the human race to God. He removed all the obstacles that get between us and the friendly, loving, productive relationship that God wants us to have with him.

Jesus reminded us that our Father in heaven seeks those who will worship him in spirit and truth (John 4:23). So Jesus exposed these wrong ideas about prayer, even though it meant treading on some self-righteous toes.

ãWhen you pray, do not be like the hypocrites,ä Jesus Christ explained. ãThey love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by menä (Matthew 6:5).

They have their reward

No wonder the Pharisees winced. And no wonder ordinary people pricked up their ears. Jesus was calling these men who seemed to take their religious responsibilities so seriously, hypocrites.

Jesus went further. He said their display of devotion was futile. The admiration of the people was all the reward they would get. God wasnât listening. ãI tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full,ä Jesus said (verse 5).

So, if the religious leaders were setting the wrong example, what should we do?

ãWhen you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you,ä Jesus Christ said (verse 6). Here, then, is the first key. Prayer should be primarily personal and private. That doesnât mean prayer can never be done in a group. There are many examples in the Bible of people praying together, sometimes with spectacular results. Jesus Christ himself occasionally prayed with a group.

But group prayer is a supplement to, not a substitute for, personal prayer in a private place. Prayer doesnât have to be done in a special room. The Greek word translated ãroomä means an ordinary storeroom or closet. The room doesnât need to be specially decorated. Anywhere you can be by yourself for a few minutes is a good place to pray.

Most of us can find somewhere to pray, if we really want to. Frankly, the biggest difficulty many of us have about praying in private is not where, itâs what÷what do I say? How do I fill up the time? And how much time do I have to fill up?

Jesus anticipated such questions, too. ãAnd when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like themä (verses 7-8).

In all ãdueä respect

A non-Christian friend once asked me to visit his temple with him. I watched as he went through his devotions. He and the other worshipers were prostrating themselves before images of their deities, offering fruit and flowers, burning paper money and chanting prayers.

Many gods were represented in that temple, and they all seemed to be getting plenty of attention. It was an impressive display of devotion, but something was missing.

As we left, I asked my friend, ãDo you all love these gods?ä

ãSome people come here every day to pay their respects,ä was his response.

ãYes, they respect them. But do they love them?ä I persisted. ãAnd do they feel the gods love them?ä

My friend gave me an odd look. The temple was a place to fulfill your obligations, and then demand that the gods fulfill their obligations to you. But gods and people have a relationship and love each other? It was as if the thought had not occurred to him. 

This is precisely why Jesus Christ emphasized sincerity rather than form and ritual. You come to God, not just as another routine client with a carefully orchestrated ritual. Otherwise, you might as well fill in a form!

God wants us, as his sons and daughters, to go to him as a Father and discuss what is most important to us. He promises he will listen. And he will answer, even if sometimes the answer is ãnoä or ãwait.ä ãNoä or ãwaitä does not mean you are out of favor, or that God is punishing you. However, he may be helping you learn a lesson.

Be yourself. Talk naturally. Discuss what is important and interesting to you. If even you become bored with your own prayers, why should God be interested in them?

Junk mail

Every day, I get a pile of mail. Much of it is slick advertising fliers addressed to me ãor occupant.ä The sender doesnât really care who gets it. Most of that mail goes straight into the trash.

But when, amid this flood of junk mail, catalogs, magazines and official-looking envelopes demanding to be opened right now because I ãalready may have won,ä I see a humble, ordinary envelope, hand addressed, with a personal return address, I read that first.

Perhaps that is how God feels about a prayer. He gets plenty of impersonal junk mail. So hand address your prayer. Use your own words. Power and eloquence do not necessarily make a prayer more effective. One of the most effective prayers recorded in the Bible came from a distraught father who admitted, ãI do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!ä (Mark 9:24).

What do I pray about?

Pray about anything and everything. Remember that ãyour Father knows what you need before you ask himä (Matthew 6:8). God wonât be surprised or offended when you discuss with him your human needs and frailties. He knows the kind of things we need÷ love, hope, health, encouragement, insight and the physical means to keep body and soul together.

Jesus Christ explained that God is more ready to give us good things than we are to provide our children their needs and wants. Like us with our children, God does not want an impersonal relationship, but one built on love.

Jesus taught us to pray in a way that would build a lasting personal relationship with God. Jesus Christ showed us that prayer is not difficult, complicated or something that only good (or very bad) people need to do.

Praying eventually becomes warm, friendly and personal. Youâll look forward to spending time with a God who cares, who understands you, and who wants to hear from you.

Well, thatâs enough talk about prayer. Isnât it time you did something about it?

Recommended reading

At your local Christian bookstore, you can find several books on prayer. Three that you might find helpful are:

Prayer: Finding the Heartâs True Home, by Richard J. Foster. HarperSanFrancisco, 1991.

A Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth, by Richard J. Foster. HarperSanFrancisco, 1981.

The Best of E.M. Bounds on Prayer, by E.M. Bounds. Baker Book House, 1981.

Return to Contents