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Divorce and Remarriage
"Anyone who divorces his wife and
marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman
commits adultery" (Luke 16:18). From this and similar scriptures, some
people conclude that divorce and Christianity are incompatible.
Nevertheless, divorce affects many
Christians. Some are involved in divorce before they come to faith in Christ;
others while they are Christians. Christians sometimes initiate the divorce;
sometimes they are divorced against their wishes. Sometimes divorce involves a
believer and an unbeliever, and sometimes both spouses are believers and both
wish to remarry within the church.
Some churches forbid remarriage and are
accused of being hard-hearted; other churches allow remarriage and are accused
of cheapening the sanctity of marriage.
| In Western society, where divorce is
common, Christians need to understand what the Bible
teaches about divorce and remarriage. |
In Western society, where divorce is
common, Christians need to understand what the Bible
teaches about divorce and remarriage. It affects many believers and their
children. It affects their finances, their happiness and their spiritual health.
Is divorce always a sin? Is remarriage
permitted? If Christians sin in a divorce, how should the church respond? Let’s
look at the relevant biblical texts. We will note some observations about what these passages
contribute to our understanding of this subject.
Biblical texts and comments
Genesis 2:23-24: "The
man said, ‘This [Eve] is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall
be called "woman," for she was taken out of man.’ For this reason a man
will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become
one flesh."
God made both male and female, and he
declared this situation "very good" (Genesis 1:27, 31). Man and woman
are made of the same flesh and blood — they belong together. Therefore men and
women leave their parents and unite with one another to form new families. This
man-woman union, generally called marriage, is described before Adam’s sin,
and this scripture is cited with approval by Jesus (Mark 10:6-8), so we see that
marriage is part of God’s design for humanity.
|
Marriage is, in part, culturally defined, and different cultures use different
definitions. |
"One flesh" includes sexual intercourse
(1 Corinthians 6:16, 7:2-5), but there’s much more to marriage than sex! Genesis
says it also involves separation from parents and a union of a man and woman.1 This passage does not describe what
a marital "union" involves; it assumes that readers already knew
what it was. The Bible does not give many details about what marriage is.
Marriage is, in part, culturally defined, and different cultures use different
definitions. The New Testament tells us that the marital union includes, among
other things, emotional and spiritual ties.2
What criteria are necessary for a
biblically "legitimate" marriage? Is it simply that man and woman form
one flesh by sexual union? No. Sex alone is not enough to create a marriage,
although in Old Testament times it could create an obligation to marry if the
father approved (Exodus 22:16-17).3 What if the couple had a marriage
ceremony but did not form a union (for example, Samson in Judges 14)? Some
modern "marriages" are contracted for immigration purposes, and some
of these are sexually consummated, but neither party expects the relationship to
be permanent. It was just a legal formality. Are such people, simply because of
civil laws, "married" in the sight of God? Or, for an opposite
situation, many couples leave parents, form new household units they intend to
be permanent, have emotional ties, and have sex — meeting the description of
Genesis 2:24 — but without benefit of civil or religious ceremony. Are they
"married"? Does the church submit to the civil government’s
definition of marriage?
| Interpreters face difficulties when they
act as if marriage is defined by a vow, ceremony or legal status, which are not
mentioned in Genesis 2:24. |
Interpreters face difficulties when they
act as if marriage is defined by a vow, ceremony or legal status, which are not
mentioned in Genesis 2:24. A focus on civil legality seems to trivialize the
intent of marriage by focusing on external aspects. It is theologically inaccurate to view marriage and divorce solely in
external formalities.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4:
"If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds
something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives
it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she
becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes
her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or
if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry
her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of
the Lord."
This legislation does not institute
divorce; rather, the certificate of divorce is mentioned as an already existing
social custom. This passage accepts divorce as an existing custom without
comment on its righteousness. The "something indecent" seems to be a
sexual indiscretion,4 but both adultery and premarital fornication
were dealt with in other ways (Deuteronomy 22:13-22).
| This legislation does not forbid
remarriage — indeed, the certificate is given to enable a remarriage. |
This legislation does not forbid
remarriage — indeed, the certificate is given to enable a remarriage.5
Nor does the legislation forbid marriage to a third man. Presumably that would
also be permitted and would not be "detestable" to God; the woman is
not "defiled" for a third husband. The only thing that is forbidden in
this text is a remarriage to the first husband.
The main point is that the Law of Moses permitted
divorce to continue, and gave it some restriction. This helped set the
scene for Jesus’ comments about divorce. The Pharisees in his day argued the
meaning of "something indecent" — one group was strict and allowed
divorce only for adultery; another group permitted divorce for any reason at
all. (The Essene view, forbidding all divorce and discouraging marriage, does
not seem to be addressed in the Bible.)
Jeremiah 3:8: " I
[God] gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because
of all her adulteries."
This passage, although metaphorical,
suggests that it is not unrighteous to divorce in cases of repeated adultery.
God put the northern kingdom away (Hosea 1:9). If we continue the metaphor,
however, we learn nothing about the possibility of remarriage. God remained
"married" (or "betrothed") to the southern kingdom. This
passage, due to its metaphorical nature, contributes little concretely to the
discussion, but it sets a tone in contrast to God’s statement in Malachi 2:16.
Ezra 10:10-11: " Ezra
the priest stood up and said to them, ‘You have been unfaithful; you have
married foreign women, adding to Israel’s guilt. Now make confession to the
Lord, the God of your fathers, and do his will. Separate yourselves from the
peoples around you and from your foreign wives.’"
| Ezra, God’s agent to the Jews who had
returned to Jerusalem, commanded separation. |
Ezra, God’s agent to the Jews who had
returned to Jerusalem, commanded separation. The Jews had married foreign women
(Ezra 9:1-2). The problem was not that the marriages were with foreigners
(Deuteronomy 21:10-14 permits international marriages), but that the wives were
pagan (Ezra 9:14). The existence of Jews as a distinct people who worshipped God
was being threatened.
"Separate yourselves," Ezra
said, and he indicated that separation was God’s will. But Ezra did not use
the more common word for divorce (Laney, p. 26). There are three possible
explanations for the unusual word: 1) Perhaps the marriages were not legitimate
in God’s eyes and therefore divorce was not the right word to use. If so, the
men were free to marry Jewish women (Heth, 90). 2) Or perhaps the men were
to separate only, without any permission to remarry (Laney, 26). 3) The word
for separate may be synonymous with divorce, and a right of remarriage is
assumed. We do not know which situation is correct; we must turn to other
passages for clearer teaching.
Malachi 2:14-16: " The
Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because
you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your
marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are
his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in
your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. ‘I hate
divorce,’ says the Lord God of Israel."
In this situation, Jewish men were
divorcing their Jewish wives so they could marry Gentile women (v. 11). This was
a politically expedient thing to do (Efird 41), since there was a possibility
that the empire would remove its permission for the existence of a Jewish state.
If that happened, leadership would revert to Gentile families, and Jews who had
intermarried into those families would benefit. Again, the existence of the
Jewish nation was being jeopardized. The people did not have faith.
| The Jews did not consider this
statement a prohibition. The facts argue against a universal
application. |
"I hate divorce," God said. We
must agree that divorce is not good (modern sociological studies verify that), but we must also ask if this brief
statement is intended as a universal prohibition. The Jews did not consider this
statement a prohibition (Efird, 42). We have already seen that God described his
own action toward Israel as a divorce. These facts argue against a universal
application and suggest that God’s hatred is toward the faithless, cavalier
divorces being discussed in this passage. The passage tells us that, in flesh
and in spirit, marriages ought to be subservient to God.
Luke 16:18:
"Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery,
and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."
| The short saying about
divorce is one of the
exaggerations Jesus used to make a point — without intending to formulate an
exact law (cf. Luke 6:30).
His statements may describe a godly ideal without prescribing every detail and
circumstance. |
This is the shortest New Testament passage
on the subject, and we will give it only brief discussion, for its content is
duplicated in Mark and Matthew. Also, the context in Luke does not clarify the
meaning of the short saying about divorce. It is a radical statement, one of the
exaggerations Jesus used to make a point — without intending to formulate an
exact law (cf. Luke 6:30).6 [Click
here for a study of Jesus' exaggerations in the Sermon on the Mount.] Christ emphasized intent and attitude.
His statements may describe a godly ideal without prescribing every detail and
circumstance.
In the short saying we see in Luke and
Mark, readers may have understood that the saying was an exaggeration, assuming
that the law had exceptions that did not need to be stated every time. Matthew
may have also understood that the short form had an implied exception, which he
spelled out for the benefit of his readers. Either way, the short saying cannot
be taken as the last word on the topic. There is at least one exception — at
least the one Matthew was inspired to include.
The second part of this verse implies that
a woman unjustly divorced should not remarry. It seems to state that the
innocent party cannot remarry. This seems to contradict what Paul wrote; perhaps
it may also be seen as an exaggeration.
Mark 10:2-12: " Some
Pharisees came and tested him by asking, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce
his wife?’ ‘What did Moses command you?’ he replied. They said, ‘Moses
permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.’
"‘It was because your hearts were
hard that Moses wrote you this law,’ Jesus replied. ‘But at the beginning of
creation God "made them male and female." "For this reason a man
will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will
become one flesh." So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God
has joined together, let man not separate.’
"When they were in the house again,
the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, ‘Anyone who divorces his
wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces
her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.’"
This passage is similar to Matthew 19 in
setting: a discussion with the Pharisees about divorce. In Matthew, the
Pharisees ask whether it is permissible to divorce "for any and every
reason," thus putting the discussion in the context of an argument between
two groups of Pharisees. The Hillelites said that a man could divorce for any
and every reason; Shammaites said that only adultery was grounds for divorce. In
Matthew, Jesus was being asked to side with one school or another. Mark may have
omitted this phrase because his Gentile readers would not be familiar with the
details of the Pharisaic arguments. Whatever the reason, Mark does not hint at
any exception. Nor does he say that Jesus did away with the old law.
| In Matthew 9:13 and 12:7, Jesus indicated that the principle of mercy
superseded the letter of the law. Since we live in a sinful society, our
applications have to include mercy. |
Jesus bypasses the argument, saying that
the Pharisees are discussing the wrong part of Moses’ writings. Rather than
asking what is permitted, they should ask what God wanted in the first place.
Instead of worrying about the minimum standard of godliness, the Pharisees
should strive for the maximum, with a focus on purpose rather than legal
loopholes. In Matthew 9:13 and 12:7, Jesus indicated that the principle of mercy
superseded the letter of the law. Since we live in a sinful society, our
applications have to include mercy. We do not yet live in the fullness of the
kingdom of God — if we did, divorce would not exist — nor would there be any
marriage!
Moses permitted divorce because the people
were hard-hearted. They were not transformed by the Holy Spirit in them. The
Pharisees of Jesus’ day were hard-hearted, too, but that did not give them
permission to divorce and remarry even if the letter of the law allowed it.
Jesus said that they committed adultery in their remarriages. We cannot assume
an action is good simply because it is not prohibited; we should also look at
larger theological principles (a major lesson of the Sermon on the Mount). The
Jews, as a people of God who claimed to live by the Torah, were guilty because
they should have known better.
| What
has God joined together? Jesus said what, not whom — there is no reason to assume that God joins every couple. |
What
has God joined together? Jesus said what, not whom — he is
discussing marriage as an entity, not individual couples. God has joined male
and female to create the institution of marriage, and Jesus implied that easy divorce was destructive of marriage as an institution. From
this passage, there is no reason to assume that God joins every couple —
for example, those who dedicate their union to pagan gods, or those
who have civil ceremonies without mention of God,7 or unbelievers who
mention the name of God simply because it is traditional.8 Perhaps
God considers their commitments binding; perhaps not — it cannot be decided on
the basis of this passage. 9
Mark mentions a woman who initiates
divorce. This was possible in the Gentile world, but not among the Pharisees.10
Mark may be giving a cultural translation to help his Gentile readers see that
Jesus’ comment applies to both sexes.11 Either way, divorce and
remarriage is called adultery. But readers might understand that the rule did not necessarily apply in some unusual circumstances. Let us now look at the
exception clause that Matthew includes.
Matthew 5:31-32: "It
has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of
divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital
unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the
divorced woman commits adultery."
| There is a legitimate reason for divorce, and that reason is porneia,
a Greek word that included harlotry and a wide variety of sexual sins. |
This passage comes in the Sermon on the
Mount, in which Jesus has several sayings with the formula, "It has been
said...but I tell you..." In these sayings, Jesus makes the divine commands
stricter, based on attitude rather than action. He starts with divorce for any
reason ("anyone"), the only restriction being that legal formalities
had to be followed for the wife’s benefit. But he says that divorce on demand
is wrong. There is a legitimate reason for divorce, and that reason is porneia
(a Greek word that included prostitution and a wide variety of sexual acts, all of which would be adulterous for a married woman).12
Under Old Testament law, an adulterous woman would be killed, but the Roman
rulers did not allow this in Jesus’ day.
Jesus indicated that porneia was
legitimate grounds for divorce. The role of forgiveness, which Matthew also
stresses (6:12-15, 18:21-35), would affect the way this exception worked.
Jesus’ saying here comes with a slight
variation. Instead of the divorce-initiator committing adultery directly by
remarrying, in this saying he causes his wife to commit adultery (unless, of course, she is
already an adulteress), presumably because she will remarry.13
The word "illegally" seems to be implied — that a man who divorces
his wife illegally puts his wife in a situation where she must seek a
another husband. Jesus did not condemn the wife — the blame is given to the
husband.
Remarriage seems to be assumed in these divorce sayings. Jesus is not talking
about annulment or separation, but divorce, a legal term that indicates a person is
free to marry again.14 (If separation was meant, he could have used chorizo,
as he did in Matt. 19:6). Here, the remarriage of the innocent party is called
adultery not only for her and her new husband, but blame is assigned
to her first husband.
Matthew 19:3-12: "Some
Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to
divorce his wife for any and every reason?’ ‘Haven’t you read,’ he
replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator "made them male and
female," and said, "For this reason a man will leave his father and
mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh"? So
they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man
not separate.’
"’Why then,’ they asked, ‘did
Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her
away?’ Jesus replied, ‘Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because
your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you
that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and
marries another woman commits adultery.’
"The disciples said to him, ‘If
this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.’
Jesus replied, ‘Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it
has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others
were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the
kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.’"
In our last and most complex passage from
the Gospels, Jesus covers some of the same ground as in other passages. The
Pharisees ask about unlimited divorce, and make the mistake of saying that Moses
commanded divorce. Jesus replies that divorce was only allowed, not commanded,
and not ideal, and he again includes the porneia exception clause.
| Jesus did not comment on the person who divorces
because of porneia and then remarries. If anything, he implies that
remarriage under such circumstances is permissible. |
Does the exception clause apply to
divorce, or also to remarriage? Grammatically, it applies only to divorce.15
No one remarries because of porneia. But the effect of the clause extends
to remarriage. This can be seen by observing that divorce, even when it is a
sin, isn’t adultery unless a new sexual union is involved. The adultery
applies only to people who fit both conditions: 1) divorce without sufficient
cause, and 2) remarriage. Jesus did not comment on the person who divorces
because of porneia and then remarries. Rather, he implies that
remarriage under such circumstances is permissible.
Jesus sided with the strict school of the
Pharisees on this point. Some modern interpreters ask, if Jesus’ conclusion
is identical with one of the major Pharisaical schools, why were the disciples
so dismayed? The disciples’ reaction is exaggerated, as if
it would be far worse to stay single after a divorce than to remain single in
the first place. Second, the disciples were not known for being smart. They were
often astonished by Jesus, or they did not understand or have faith. Their
dismay in this case is similar, showing that they needed the teaching as much as
the Pharisees did.
If remarriage were permitted in some
cases, why did Jesus speak about voluntary eunuchs? For two reasons: Some people
will divorce for inadequate reasons, and they should not remarry. Second, some
people will be allowed to remarry but circumstances will not permit it,
perhaps due to not finding a suitable partner, or a call to an unusual ministry, such as Paul’s. Not every
disciple is affected by this saying.
1 Corinthians 7:8-15, 27-28, 39: "Now
to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as
I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better
to marry than to burn with passion. To the married I give this command (not I,
but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she
must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must
not divorce his wife.
"To the rest I say this (I, not the
Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to
live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not
a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the
unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving
wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children
would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let
him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has
called us to live in peace....
"Are you married? Do not seek a
divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you
have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who
marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this....
"A woman is bound to her husband as
long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she
wishes, but he must belong to the Lord."
Paul is addressing some problems the
Corinthians had with sexuality. Perhaps influenced by a Greek philosophy that
separated body and spirit, some were willing to accept an incestuous situation
(1 Cor 5:1-2) as if it had no bearing on spiritual maturity. Others seem to have
ceased sex even within marriage, perhaps thinking that sensual pleasures were
incompatible with spirituality, and Paul therefore told them that they should
have sex within marriage (7:3-5).
| If married Christians
separate, Paul says, they cannot remarry. There is no criticism or rebuke
regarding such separations; the tone is matter-of-fact. |
Paul then makes a few comments toward the
unmarried (7:8-9) and then toward the married (7:10-11). If married Christians
separate, he says, they cannot remarry. There is no criticism or rebuke
regarding such separations (Furnish 41); the tone is matter-of-fact.
Paul then addresses "the rest"
beginning in 7:12a. Who are these people? Those who had unbelieving spouses
(7:12b-13). The Christians in such circumstances should not initiate a divorce.
But if the unbeliever initiates the divorce, the Christian would not be
"bound." Does this mean that such a Christian could remarry after
desertion? Apparently so.
| Does this mean that such a Christian could remarry after
desertion? Apparently so. If "not bound" merely meant
permission to live alone, Paul would not need to give them such permission. |
- If "not bound" merely meant
permission to live alone, Paul would not need to give them such permission,
since they had no choice in the matter.
- Believers who separate are specifically
told they cannot remarry; the Christian deserted by a nonbeliever is not
told this.
- Verse 39 indicates that a widow is
"not bound" and therefore free to remarry. V. 39 uses a different
word, but the meaning seems similar.
- In vv. 27-28, Paul advises unmarried
people (the Greek term is "loosed"; v. 28 uses a different word
for virgins, so the meaning is widows and divorced people) that they do not
sin if they remarry.16
- In v. 2 Paul says that each man should
have his own wife because of the prevalence of immorality. This would affect
divorced persons as much as, perhaps even more, than single people. In
context, v. 2 applies to married couples, but the rationale would seem to
apply to divorced people, too.
- Some people have a "gift" for
remaining celibate (v. 7), but there is no guarantee that God will give this
ability to everyone who becomes deserted by an unbelieving spouse. If they
do not have a special gift for celibacy, they may marry (v. 9).
Paul encouraged people to be single, but
he made it clear throughout that it was simply his preference, not an apostolic
command (vv. 7, 17, 26, 40). He referred to a "present crisis" and
"many troubles" and that "the time is short" (vv. 26,
28-29). Perhaps he expected Christ to return soon, or perhaps he simply expected
persecution. Regardless, his advice was not a requirement, and it was based on a
temporary situation.
| Paul did not assume that Jesus’ saying was an
exceptionless command. He saw that the Corinthians faced a situation Jesus never
addressed, and Paul did not rigidly adhere to the letter of the saying — he
simply indicated that there was another exception. |
| |
| "Peace" implies an exception for
much more than desertion — situations such as child abuse, wife beating,
drug abuse, and financial desertion. Each of these makes a travesty of marriage. |
Paul permitted divorce, with possibility
of remarriage implied, on the basis of desertion by an unbeliever. Despite
knowing at least some of Jesus’ commands (v. 10), probably including his
prohibition of divorce, Paul did not assume that Jesus’ saying had no exceptions. He saw that the Corinthians faced a situation Jesus never
addressed, and Paul did not rigidly adhere to the letter of the saying — he
simply indicated that there was another exception. And he did not argue the
point at any length; his readers would have also understood that exceptions were
allowed to Jesus’ hyperbolic sayings.
Paul’s rationale is particularly
interesting. He could have equated desertion with spiritual death, or an
irreparable breach of covenant, or some other legalistic approach,17
but instead he says, "God has called us to live in peace" (v. 15). The
principle of "peace" (or well-being — Efird, 75) is more important
than Jesus’ saying about divorce!
"Peace" implies an exception for
much more than desertion — situations such as child abuse, wife beating,18
drug abuse, and financial desertion. Each of these makes a travesty of marriage
as the model of Christ’s relationship to his church (Eph. 5). Using Paul’s
logic, such intolerable situations are also legitimate reasons for divorce with
permission to remarry. "If the spouse persistently refuses all attempts at
reconciliation [or repentance of marriage-destroying behavior], he has de facto
placed himself in the position of an unbelieving, deserting spouse" (Davis,
p. 104).
Conclusion
The Old Testament takes divorce as an
already-established custom. Abuses were criticized, but the practice was not
outlawed.
The Synoptic Gospels report what Jesus
said about divorce. In Mark and Luke, his statements seem to prohibit divorce,
but Jesus did not intend for those statements to be used as an exceptionless
code of conduct. In Matthew, an exception is allowed for cases of porneia.19
Although Paul was aware of the Lord’s
teaching about divorce, he did not consider the Mark/Luke version final. Nor did
he consider porneia the only legitimate exception, so Matthew’s
statements are not the complete description of God’s will, either. Jesus’
statements did not cover every possible situation that might arise within the
church. Paul, recognizing that he faced a new situation, permitted divorce and
remarriage in cases of desertion. Paul’s statement isn’t complete, either,
since he does not specifically mention porneia. Paul did not intend to
provide an exhaustive list of exceptions (just as none of his lists of spiritual
gifts, virtues or vices is complete).
|
Situations arise that were not addressed by either Jesus or Paul. |
Even if we combine all the New Testament
statements, resulting in a prohibition with two exceptions, it would seem
unlikely that we have a complete statement of God’s will on the subject.
Situations arise that were not addressed by either Jesus or Paul. New situations
may call for new exceptions, and new judgments. Paul indicates one way the church
can judge: the principle of peace, which he deemed more important than a
law-based prohibition. This suggests that Christians today may also use the
principle of peace to release people from the bondage of certain marriage vows.
Ethical principles are more
important than strict rules.20 Satisfying hunger is more important
than keeping Sabbath rules (Mark 2:27-28); justice, mercy and faith are more
important than scrupulous tithing (Matt 23:23). Principles are sometimes even
more important than the exercise of specific freedoms: Although a Christian may
eat meat, it is better to abstain if eating might offend another believer (Rom
14). These examples show that principles are more important than narrowly
defined laws.
| Commitment within marriage is an important principle; peace, unity and
love are important, too. If the unity and love are so lacking that the marriage
threatens Christian peace and joy, the principle of peace may outweigh the
principle of commitment. |
In a bad marriage, principles must be
weighed. Commitment within marriage is an important principle; peace, unity and
love are important, too. If the unity and love are so lacking that the marriage
threatens Christian peace and joy, perhaps the principle of peace outweighs the
principle of commitment. The marriage may in fact be an oppressive relationship
that opposes God.
Let’s briefly address some tangential
issues. Divorce may be permitted for adultery. But isn’t a Christian obligated
to forgive without limit? Yes — but that doesn’t mean that the marriage
itself has to stay intact. In financial terms, forgiving a debt does not
necessarily imply an obligation to make a new loan. A Christian could forgive an
adulterous spouse, having no desire for vengeance, and also have the wisdom not
to stay with a person with a life-threatening character flaw. But reconciliation
should be attempted. "The believer is never compelled to seek a divorce,
not even when the spouse is guilty of adultery" (Scott, p. 193).
May the guilty party remarry? Davis (p.
103) says yes, "if the guilty party has truly repented and attempted to
make restitution for personal and financial obligations that may have been
forsaken during the dissolution of the marriage." "As Clinton Gardner
has observed, remarriage should be permitted for the repentant and only for the
repentant" (Scott, p. 197). Admittedly, this can create awkward situations:
There may be a divorce, the church may permit one person to remarry, and later
accept the repentance of the other person and in effect allow spouse-swapping
within the church.21 Such situations may be inevitable in an age
containing both sin and grace, and they cry out for caution by all involved. Time and
counseling need to be involved before divorce and before a remarriage.
Appendix regarding
ministers
Can divorced persons serve in the
ministry? Some people read 1 Timothy 3:2 in that way, but Keener (83-103)
refutes the arguments:
- Few people interpret these words so
literally as to forbid single people from ministry (Paul, at least at the
time he wrote, was not a husband of one wife). Nor do these words forbid a
minister who remarried after his first spouse died.22
- Polygamy was not common in Greek areas,
and was probably not being addressed.
- The qualification list is designed so
that ministers would be "above reproach" in the community. The
pagan community would think no ill about a remarried person, and they might
even criticize a prohibition (101).
- Paul also uses the term "wife of
one husband" in 1 Timothy 5:9, and there is no reason here to
discriminate against widows who remarried. In graveyard inscriptions, this
term seems to be used in the sense of faithfulness, not in its root meaning
of having only one spouse.
| Paul was trying to combat a heresy of
marital asceticism (1 Timothy 4:3), and implying that remarried people were
tainted would ironically promote abstinence. |
- Paul was trying to combat a heresy of
marital asceticism (1 Timothy 4:3), and implying that remarried people were
tainted would ironically promote abstinence. "Husband of one wife...may
actually be requiring church leaders to be married rather than single"
(101). If so, instead of forbidding divorced ministers to remarry, "we
ought to be urging them to establish families as quickly as possible"
(102)!
Works Cited
Bruce, F. F. "Divorce and Remarriage.'' The
Hard Sayings of Jesus, by F. F. Bruce. Downers Grove, Illinois:
InterVarsity Press, 1983. 56-62.
Davis, John Jefferson. "Divorce and
Remarriage.'' Evangelical Ethics, by John Jefferson Davis.
Phillipsburg, New Jersey: Presbyterian & Reformed Publishing, 1985.
92-105.
Edgar, Thomas R. "Response [to Laney].'' House
63.
Edgar, Thomas R. "Divorce and Remarriage for
Adultery or Desertion.'' House 137-160.
Efird, James M. Marriage and Divorce: What the
Bible Says. Nashville, Tennessee: Abingdon, 1985.
Furnish, Victor Paul. "Sex: Marriage and
Divorce.'' The Moral Teaching of Paul, by Victor Paul Furnish. Second
edition, revised. Nashville: Abingdon, 1985. 29-51.
Geisler, Norman. "Marriage and Divorce.'' Christian
Ethics: Options and Issues, by Norman Geisler. Grand Rapids: Baker, 1989.
277-292.
Heth, William A. "Divorce, But No Remarriage.''
House 79-104.
House, H. Wayne, editor. Divorce and
Remarriage: Four Christian Views. Downers Grove: InterVarsity, 1990.
Hauck, F., and S. Schulz. "Pórne...'' Theological
Dictionary of the New Testament, edited by Gerhard Kittel and Gerhard
Friedrich, translated and abridged by Geoffrey W. Bromiley. Grand Rapids:
Eerdmans, 1985. 918-921.
| See also a book that was
published after this article was written: David
Instone-Brewer,
Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible: The Social and Literary Context (Eerdmans,
2002). |
Keener, Craig S. ...And Marries Another:
Divorce and Remarriage in the Teaching of the New Testament. Peabody,
Massachusetts: Hendrickson, 1991.
Laney, J. Carl. "No Divorce and No Remarriage.''
House 18-39.
Louw, Johannes P. and Eugene A. Nida, editors. Greek-English
Lexicon of the New Testament Based on Semantic Domains. New York: United
Bible Societies, 1988.
Reisser, H. "πoρvεύω
[porneuo].'' New International Dictionary of New Testament Theology,
edited by Colin Brown. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1975, 1986. 497-501.
Scott, Lane. A. "Divorce and the Remarriage of
Divorced Persons.'' Christian Ethics, edited by Leon O. Hynson and Lane
A. Scott. Anderson, Indiana: Warner, 1983. 177-199.
Vermes, Geza. The Dead Sea Scrolls in English.
New York: Penguin, 1987.
Endnotes
1
J. Carl Laney claims that "cleave" implies a permanent bond ("No
Divorce and No Remarriage," pp. 15-54 in H. Wayne House, editor, Divorce
and Remarriage: Four Christian Views. Downers Grove: InterVarsity, 1990),
18-19). But Thomas R. Edgar points out that "cleave" can be used for
clods of dirt and military alliances, so it does not inherently imply permanence
("Response [to Laney]," pp. 61-66 of House, 63, and "Response [to
Heth]," pp. 135-143 in House, 137). When Jesus wanted to stress the union
of marriage, he referred to the word "one," not to "cleave."
And since "one flesh" can apply to sex with a prostitute, it does not
inherently imply permanence, either. The permanence of the marriage relationship
should be demonstrated in other ways.
2
Ephesians 5:21-22, 28, although written millennia after creation, describes an
ideal within Christian marriages, and it is legitimate to infer that this
attitude was part of God’s original intent for marriage.
3
If we considered this rule binding today, many marriages in the United States
would be invalidated, since many men and women would have obligations they
had not been released from.
4
"John Murray notes that this exact phrase occurs elsewhere only in
Deuteronomy 23:14, in reference to human excrement.... It may have referred to
some shameful conduct connected with sex life" (John Jefferson Davis, Evangelical
Ethics (Phillipsburg, New Jersey: Presbyterian & Reformed, 1985), 95).
5
"The essential formula in the bill of divorce is, ‘Lo, thou art free to
marry any man.... Thou art a freedwoman’ " (Keener 61, citing Mishnah
Gittin 9:3).
6
Luke 6:30 ("Give to everyone who asks you") is an example of another
exaggerated statement. "Modern readers, who are accustomed to think of
exaggeration as a form of deception rather than as a colorful, interesting
portrayal or metaphor, are apt to miss the impact of ancient hyperboles....
Jesus couches his words in the rhetorical style of his day.... Graphic
illustrations and succinct, uncompromising assertions would best grab hearers’
attention and make them consider their ways. But most assertions in such a
succinct form require qualification before they are to be taken as law.... All
ancient legal scholars knew that broad principles of law had to be qualified for
specific cases.... If there are circumstances under which it is appropriate to
call someone an offensive name (as Jesus does in [Matt.] 23), there may also be
circumstances under which divorce and remarriage are not adulterous.... The
context of the divorce saying suggests that we take it...a combination of a
wisdom saying and a prophetic summons.... Exaggeration is used precisely to
force us to grapple with the radicalness of what it says" (Keener 20,
22-24).
7
Some conservatives act as if civil authorities have power to bind together but
not to loose. This seems inconsistent. If humans have joined the couple
together, can’t they also authorize a separation and a new union? This again
suggests that marriage cannot be defined by civil formalities.
8
All marriages should be done according to divine purpose, but we should
not pretend that they are. For some horribly mismatched couples who finally
divorce, it might be asked whether the sin was not in the divorce but in the
original marriage. "What is wrong is that it is too easy to get married in
the first place!" (Efird 89).
9
Edgar comments: "The same God can also decree when it can be dissolved. In
other words, all the argument on permanence cannot overrule the clear statement
in Matthew 19:9 allowing the exception. The crux of one’s position on divorce
and remarriage is not on alleged implications from verses not discussing
divorce, but from explicit statements from verses specifically dealing with the
issue" (p. 137).
10
Jesus’ audience may have understood this as a reference to Herodias, who
divorced her husband according to Roman law so she could marry Antipas (Bruce
60). The beheading of John the Baptist is evidence that her remarriage was a hot
political/religious topic.
11
Efird (50-51) gives further evidence that Mark has put Jesus’ meaning into a
new cultural context: "There [in Mark 10:11] is the curious idea that a man
could commit adultery against his wife. This was not a part of the culture and
tradition of the Jewish people at that time."
12
"Mark Geldard [and others] takes the term to refer to premarital sexual
unfaithfulness" (Davis, 98). Premarital fornication discovered after
marriage was a part of the first-century debate (Hauck and Schultz, 920). Also
in favor of this view is the observation that porneia usually referred to
immorality by an unmarried woman; the same action by a married woman was usually
called moicheuo (Louw and Nida 1:772). But the word is not restricted to
premarital sex, as noted by Efird (57-58), Hauck and Schultz (919), Louw and
Nida (1:771) and Reisser (497). In Sirach 23:23, for example, it refers to a
married woman. The premarital-sex interpretation is possible, but it loses force
when we see that Paul allowed an additional exception. Other interpreters (e.g.,
Laney, p. 35-37) suggest that porneia referred to incestuous
relationships, and that this would explain the dismay of the disciples. It is
true that incest was debated at the time (Lev. 18:13 forbids sex with an aunt
— Vermes 39 explains the first-century debate on whether an uncle was
permitted), but it seems unlikely that Jesus would have dealt with legalistic
trivia involving in determining whether a union that was already illegitimate
could be severed. Laney (p. 37) suggests that it is a historical allusion to the
Herodians’ incestuous marriages, but he offers little concrete evidence. An
objection to the meaning of adultery: Can porneia mean (for practical
purposes) adultery when another word in the sentence, moicheuo, refers to
adultery? Why use two words for one concept? Porneia may indicate
something more perverse than one act of adultery.
13
There were few viable options for detached women in that society (Efird 57).
14
The early church did not allow remarriage (Heth 104), but the early church was
excessively strict and ascetic in many ways; the evidence doesn’t carry much
weight (Edgar, p. 141).
15
Edgar, refuting Heth and Wenham’s view, gives a convincing grammatical
analysis of the placement of the clause (pp. 158-160).
16
Laney places these verses under the instructions for virgins, which starts in v.
25 (p. 45). V. 27, in contrast, mentions married people — possibly meaning
betrothed virgins, but more likely married in the full sense. This is
substantiated by the contrast between the unmarried who marry (vs. 27b-28a) and
the virgins who marry (v. 28b). Laney (p. 46) says that the word for unmarried, lelusai,
meaning loosed, is a perfect participle, emphasizing current status of
singleness. It is true that the perfect tense emphasizes current status, but it
also refers to an event in the past that has created that status — in this
case, a loosing, that is, a divorce. Moreover, v. 27a uses the same word, in
aorist tense, for a marital separation. The NASB brings out the similar words:
"Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released
from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you [that is, a released person] should
marry, you have not sinned."
17
"Paul in his treatment of Christian morality hardly appeals to the Law at
all" (Scott, p. 194).
18
"Behavior such as persistent physical abuse is a violation of the marriage
covenant and is a prima facie indication that true consent is not being given to
living in harmony with the believing spouse" (Davis, p. 102).
19
How might we understand Luke 16:18b and Matt 5:32b, which say the innocent
victim of divorce commits adultery if she remarries? Paul clearly permits
remarriage after desertion; it would be inconsistent to hold that remarriage is
not permitted after being put away unjustly (in such cases, the
divorce-initiator is acting like an unbeliever). The explanation that makes the
most sense is understanding Jesus’ saying as an exaggeration, not intended to
be applied to every situation.
20
"Marriage was made for man; man was not made for marriage. Hence, the
person should be preeminent in the consideration, not simply a prescription
about divorce.... When legalistic emphasis is placed on the divorce law at the
expense of showing mercy to the divorced, then we find ourselves in the same
legalism Jesus repeatedly condemned in the Pharisees" (Geisler, pp. 286,
288).
21
"If they fail again, it would be unwise to allow them to continue to repeat
this error" (Geisler, pp. 292).
22
"If one wishes to be absolutely literalistic about the saying, it would
then mean that even a person who had been widowed and had remarried could not be
considered eligible. Such a meaning is very unlikely given the high mortality
rate among young women who had babies" (Efird 34).
Michael Morrison, 2001
|