I am a 13-year-old in the Murfreesboro, Tennessee, church. I have been greatly encouraged by the Good News Grapevine. Some of my friends and their families have left, but hearing other people s stories about what has happened to them has greatly helped me cope.
I like the new covenant teachings, and I am glad that many feel the way I do.
Your friend in Christ,
Alicia Christman
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
I think what you are doing in God's church and for his brethren is excellent. I am thankful that we have such a supportive minister. I understand most of the changes and I am listening to the sermons and sermonettes now. I have also been reading my Bible around the clock because it is the only book around our house I haven t read, and because I have been learning of Jesus Christ and examples in the New Testament.
On April 21, the last day of Unleavened Bread, when the worst crisis in our congregation happened, our pastor resigned and took many people with him. I have forgiven him for that, but it was truly hard. Many of the people who left I have known for a long time and they didn't even give the new understanding a chance. It's probably a trying time for you and the rest of God's loyal ministers to stick together and do what's right in God's eyes. I wanted to thank you for all you've done to help in this trying time.
Katy Bergstrom, 13
Tulsa, Oklahoma
A little more than two years ago I experienced a severe personal trial that would be my first experience in walking by faith. During the 23 years between my baptism and the onset of this trial, God had always allowed me to walk by sight. In his wisdom and perfect timing, he chose this moment in my life to escort me out of the wading pool and to plunge me into deep water.
I was acutely aware of God s perfect sense of justice, having been in this church since I was 9. I did not expect to be rescued at all, based on the nature and number of sins that I had committed in my lifetime. I was sure that I deserved to be punished and suffer heavily through this ordeal--I braced myself for the worst.
My teenage years, as well as those at Ambassador, had been consumed by trying to win God's approval through good works. The formula seemed to work for quite a while--I felt fairly confident that I was accumulating enough "brownie" points in heaven to keep me on the "Shall-Inherit-Eternal-Life" roster.
Once I entered real life as a minister's wife and mother, those feelings began to fade. Like an addict, I needed a bigger fix to obtain the desired result. Being in the ministry provided endless opportunities to perform even better good works serving the very people of God.
I never really felt his acceptance, even though these works should have provided larger doses of that "pleasing God" feeling. Just like an addict, the substance I craved and used to alleviate my bad feelings only served to eventually intensify them.
Gradually, a vague hopelessness set in. I despaired of ever being granted eternal life. My life was out of control--I had not overcome many character defects, my sins were myriad, my faith weak, my relationship with God remote. Life on the Hamster Wheel of legalism was proving to be incredibly exhausting. In the privacy of my innermost thoughts, I had condemned myself to the second death, ironically by virtue of my human frailty and brokenness.
Our old theology had convinced me that I wouldn't make it because I wasn't becoming perfect in my thoughts and deeds--my spiritual growth simply didn't measure up. I couldn't shake feelings of worthlessness. It seemed as if I was missing some computer chip that everyone else had received.
I knew God couldn't really like me, even though he was bound by his commitment to love me. Surely he was repulsed by my spiritual birth defects.
However, being well-schooled, I knew how to keep up the facade. I wore the cloak of religiosity well, yet underneath was a spiritual anorexic. I was rather successful in suppressing the waves of hopeless and despairing thoughts and even managed to keep up a Happy Pastor's Wife image. (I think of these as the June Cleaver Years.)
During this period, my dreams (being beyond my power to control) were quite dark. My secrets were too shameful to share with anyone I would certainly be met with shock, disbelief and no doubt, judgment. The isolation and alienation heightened my feelings of worthlessness. I was increasingly beset by anxiety because the negative feelings were becoming harder to squelch. I was in a gradual downward spiral.
When, during my recent trial, a loving Heavenly Father scooped up this crumpled and battered child, placing her in his personal care, I was gradually able to feel his unconditional love for me. I realized that he wasn't willing that I should drown, regardless of my past sins. Instead, I was being gently led through the Valley of the Shadow of Death.
God's love for me had always been there, but because of the experiences of my childhood, and having being reared in the repressive, disciplinarian atmosphere of the Radio Church of God of the 60s, I could not receive it. My new experiences were creating overwhelmingly endearing feelings toward such a merciful, accepting and gracious Lord.
God was fully aware that it had been impossible for me, up until this time, to completely trust him with my life. And he was now showing me how to do just that. Experiencing this mercy and grace, rather than the punishment I thought I deserved, I began to build faith.
God had orchestrated, through a severe trial, an opening through which to give me bountiful gifts. It had never been necessary to try to amass credits in that Big Ledger Book Jesus would impute his righteousness to me--ME!!
This may not sound like much of a revelation to you, but to one as emotionally damaged and afraid of God as I had been, it was everything. I began to dust off the pieces of my life and reconstruct them with the new mortar of Grace and Truth, growing in love, affection and humility toward my Father, and I also experienced more tolerance of others. But I began to feel angry about the wrong ideas I'd been given about God.
A Christian counselor, who was guiding me through my ordeal, inquired as to whether this anger was causing me to doubt my faith. I flatly assured him that it was not. I knew that the doctrines of my church were accurate and didn't need examining--it was just the application and administration of the doctrines that had distorted my perception of God and effectively blocked my intimacy with him. Having received new life in Christ, I was motivated to understand and work through the anger. I saw that God was fulfilling Romans 8:28 in my life, and I was able to release the feelings of betrayal. (After all, I knew that what I really deserved was death for my sins.)
I began to forgive perceived injustices and abuses, realizing that they had not prevented God from fulfilling his purpose for me--he was presently doing just that, and at the time of his choosing. The ensuing peace was in stark contrast to the suffocating anxiety I had known only recently.
Yet, I was troubled by the notion that these same policies and teachings that had hurt me were extant in the church currently, and that others were still being hurt. Being convinced that God was leading the church, through Mr. Tkach, toward wholeness, I prayed for patience. I wanted the strength to hang in there long enough to enjoy the "New and Improved" Church. I believed it was only a matter of time.
Maintaining that our doctrines were correct as we understood them, I was confident that changing our administration of them would bring others the healing, joy and peace that I had experienced. I suspected that these changes would need to be fairly fundamental in nature and would have a sweeping effect on the climate of the church. I recall telling a friend that it might not even seem like the same church we were baptized into. Meanwhile, I put the matter on hold while I continued to concentrate on my own healing and restoration.
You can't begin to imagine the joy I felt as I read the new explanation of the new covenant! I was immediately grateful to God for answering my prayers. It was instantly clear, as I read Mr. Tkach's words, that it was indeed necessary to change doctrine in order to bring about the results I had hoped for. I never would have imagined it, but God knew.
Having already done the emotional work that so many others were now facing, I was uncomfortable not sharing my friends current painful feelings of confusion and loss. But I was certain that once they worked through these emotions, they too would share my elation. The pages of the Good News Grapevine are full of references to others' increased joy and peace, confirming my expectation. I sing praises to a wonderful Father who has indeed given us life more abundantly.
I still have a lot more study of the Scriptures on my agenda--it's needful for me to get my head knowledge in step with what my heart already knew--Truth. It is Jesus and him alone. Let's spread the Word!
Linda Dyer
Columbia, Missouri
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